Lessons of the decade(2000-2009)

Lessons of the decade(2000-2009)

This was suppose to come out last year(haha..get it? man, that joke is old). Anyway, without further a due. I present you with:


Top 10 Lessons Learned by Derick over the past 10 years.(sorry if this seems rushed)

In no particular order

10) Adventure can bring out the best (and worst) of you.

“I’m going to Arizona, this is what I want” ~Derick C.

These words came out of my mouth with such hope and desire. I ventured off to an uncharted land to see new things in a different perspective hoping to find my El Dorado. That I did but to getting there was rough riding all the way. I regret nothing mostly because I can’t really redo actions I made. People told me over and over that it was a bad idea and indeed it was but experience makes a person and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I never ventured forth.

9) No more waiting

“Where is that 2:13 to Brook Ave, it’s already 2:20”~Derick C.

I’ve been waiting for 21 years when what I should’ve been doing was take initiative. So it’s time to do do do. Waiting has brought forth many disappointments for me because of actions not made. Instead of waiting for the 2:13 to Brook, I could’ve gotten the 2:16 to Main and walk 2 blocks to Brook. So, why did I wait for the 2:13? Mostly because I ignored the consequences and thought that if I wait it out it would eventually come. Honestly though, how can you wait for food to cook without fire?

8) Don’t fall in love too fast

“Derick, don’t do this, I’ll break your heart”~ Anonymous

Broken it was and lesson learned. Need I say more?(it’s a long story, ask me about it some other time)

7) Smoking kills

“You’re just too good to be true, wait a second, you are!” Derick C.

A metaphor for decay be it physical or emotional. What’s eating you from the inside be it a cigarette or a rickety relationship will be the death of you unless something is done. Be careful though because smoking heavily now will lead to bad lungs regardless of whether or not you did stop.

6) Let go

“You’re living in the past dude” ~Anonymous

Stop dwelling in the past and live a life with no regrets because what’s done is done and there’s nothing more you can do about it. Yes, you can think about it but don’t let it bother you (easier said than done) all too much.

5) Say it!

“So, I think I’m in love with you” ~Derick C.

I said that and it didn’t work out too well (see #8) but you know what? At least I said what I said rather than just stand around (we’re over waiting, remember?)not knowing what could’ve been. I’ve never really been the type to speak out ( I get shy ok?) so just imagine the audacity it took for me to say that, quite a lot. I haven’t done so since then but maybe it’s time to give it another shot. =/

4) Don’t always do as the Romans do.

“Don’t you want to be cool?” ~ Some dude from Harold and Kumar

Be it, weed, salvia, wari, public intoxication or the latest fashion trend, they’re all the same. Some things you wish you never did. Of course there are those that are just flat out awesome because you did.

3) There’s goodness in people

“Know that whatever your problems, I’ll always be here to listen”~Anonymous

Just listen? I’m kidding, but yea, there is good amidst evil. All the while when I thought that people were out for themselves, people I met over the years who I consider the best of the best made me think otherwise and I could learn a thing or two from this people if I’m blessed enough to have them stick around.

2) Take a deep breath and think positive

“Could be worst, you could be dead”~ Eric “The Man” Malley( my ex boss)

Yes, I use to be the most hated person in the U.S. (a telemarketer), I was flat broke, I stopped going to school, I was on my own, I was loveless but at least I wasn’t dead. Having been blessed with such peace of mind has saved me from the experience ever blowing my lid in a blind rage (anger is one of the things I hope to never achieve in my life). This is a lesson i learned a long long time ago and deserves to be on the list of lessons learned period.

1) Don’t leave home without “it”

“So you stopped going to school and you lost your job, what are you not going to do next?”~Anonymous

Let me tell you what i didn't do next and that was not stick to such a shitty situation.What’s “it”? “it” is the desire. As in don’t do something if you’re not going to be loving it. Thankfully something I learned before it was too late (Visual Communications, what was I thinking?). I know now what “it” is not just in my College Career but in life as well.

~Happy New Year~

Excerpt from "The Slow Decay" (by Derick)

Prologue


A few nights ago, under the light of the moon, I stepped out to have a cigarette. Having been eagerly awaiting it all day, I slowly took out a stick from the pack, fired it up and started smoking. That’s when everything: the quiet night, the clear sky that greeted the luminescent moon and the cool breeze started to feel just right. I know that at the end of a long and grueling day, having a smoke is what keeps me from going over.

The night went on, at the same time all my issues, worries and concern leave both body and soul. Smoke from the cigarette danced and twirled in a way that just couldn’t be explained, as that happened one couldn’t really help but stand back and just relax. The twisting & twirling dance of smoke just got me; I’m not really sure what it was but there was definitely something. Puff after puff, as the light drew closer towards me, I just wanted time to stand still as to not have to throw away the stick.
Me and the landlessness feeling of menthol share a love and hate relationship. Both the stroke of dizziness together with the calmness of the mind along with its subtle minty aftertaste sets the tone for a moment of sanity that some people just wouldn’t understand. Such a balance of black and white brings one to such a euphoric state

People always ask me why I smoke and I would offer the same reply every time; “because I want”. I don’t usually go deeper into as they just don’t get the state of lucidity I feel every time I smoke. I wouldn’t be doing so if I didn’t want to and I am more than aware of the consequences that come with such a vice and yet, here I am welcoming the slow decay…

Lost in the moment...

Loss. How can one deal with it? It’s something we don’t want to or never even think about, even if it comes down to just a simple object. Accepting and understanding the lost seems to be a very simple concept but truth be told, it is a far cry from simple. We go through various ranges of emotions, emotions like confusion, denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance when faced with such a phenomenon.

The 1st thing that runs through our minds is confusion (lets call this pre-denial). We find it hard to comprehend how such a thing can occur. Having it happened so abruptly , we tend to become lost ourselves, asking questions and searching for solutions only to realize later on that it is just too too late..When these questions can’t lead anywhere we fill soon find ourselves in denial. We find it hard and don’t want to accept what just happened, we even try to laugh about it, too bad that leads to awkward chuckles followed by a moment of silent regret
.
Following denial is anger which causes also frustration. Frustration because we didn’t or weren’t really able to do anything about the loss followed by blame, blaming others, heck even blaming ourselves for failure, thinking it could have been easily avoided. Anger proper can leave us under a state of uneasiness and hard to communicate to.After the anger we start bargaining and don’t we all. Why couldn’t it have been something else? We say to ourselves over and over. And then of course we have acceptance.

Acceptance leads to the ability to move on or bounce back while still in some way traumatized by the loss. We continue on with some doubt in our lives, hoping, praying that we don’t have to go back to the 1st step, Unless of course we learn to accept and put the past events behinds us. It is a hard task indeed to do that but that’s what leads us to 6th phase which is often overlooked and that is discovery, discovery amidst a loss.

We come up with realizations after a loss like knowing not all is lost or that people are there to support us and cheer us up amidst such a tragedy. Having and understanding that in one’s arsenal is what keeps them going. Most importantly, know that you don’t have to go through this all by yourself. Surely, other people won’t feel as affected as you but these people are affected by what’s troubling you and don’t forget that… people care. =)

With friends like these who needs enemies...

Quite a while back, a friend once told me that the 1st thing I should do after she pushes me down to the ground is get up, brush myself off and walk away. Don’t turn around, or check for wounds and bruises, just walk away as those wounds will eventually heal. I never really got what that friend meant up to now but the last few days really got me thinking. How can someone I title as “my friend “say that to my face? I suppose what Matty meant was, don’t concern yourself with people like me as it’s just not worth it. Well, I have never been the type to shun a person but maybe she was on to something, those words were at most hurtful but I know deep inside that she means well and just wants me to be happy. Now here I am, more mature and hopefully wiser, still trying to get up and walk away. You know that pain and anguish you feel when you trip and fall? Now imagine if you fell and it was because you were pushed by your close, doesn’t it suck? Never in my life have I been told to move on in such away but looking back on it, I think I owe Matty for that push...

If there’s one thing I learned this pass year, it’s that when you start walking away with wounds you’ll eventually find other people to patch you up and maybe that’s what Matty meant and I now realize that(literally , just now..Really). I can’t believe it took me this long to realize what Matty said. I suppose I was on the ground that long.

So Matty from the bottom of my heart thank you, thanks a lot and I mean that. It’s after I got up and started walking that I realize what you said and meant and I’ll definitely take that with me. You thought me to not dwell on the pain for too long

Story of Aman

Aman has always been subject to change regardless of how meaningless they are. Change will forever be a part of his life and can never escape it. Having said that, how does he deal with change whether it is good or bad, meager or drastic? The answer may lie on how he understands why such a thing occurs, whether or not he accepts it and actually goes thru with it. Change is a constant, ever happening phenomenon. Various changes occur be it environmental, metabolic, etc all that technical and science crap But let us focus on the change that deals with his own personal struggles.

The changes he undergoes can range from external (i.e. wealth) to internal (i.e. feelings). When he looks back on or awaits these events, he seems to have that sense of authority over the phenomenon, knowing/hoping that the decisions he makes (or made) will come out for the best. Never being a person of impulse, Aman has come to the conclusion that before change is made; he has to ask and understand the following questions:
• Are we ready?
• Is it for the best?
• Is it necessary?
• How will it affect everything around us?


1
Aman is currently faced with a situation where he feels drastic change needs to occur. He has asked all the above questions and understood all concepts behind and now feels that he is ready for change. And yet somehow he feels trapped, unable to undergo the change that he deemed necessary.

Having the logic and concept behind knowing how things work doesn’t always offer the best success rate. Aman has been rambling about how much he knows and understand things for as long as he can remember but it all gets shot down by one factor that has plagued him from the beginning and that my friends is fear of the unknown. This fear is the moat that keeps Aman from his castle. Rather than taking the leap of faith Aman has always found himself at the foot of a cliff pondering on and on for days upon days and never take the leap.

Through the years we have seen Aman get ready to take the plunge only to be hindered by wondering how deep the water is or what’s in the water. He knows how to swim and yet he is unable to go any further for he doesn’t know. he pondered and pondered and pondered some more, making various risk assessments, statistics and probabilities and the more conclusions he came to the more fearful he became. Never in his life did he ever just do it , Thought after thought, conclusion after conclusion one thing remained for sure, He would never know until he tried….

Post Mortem to an English Teacher's Journal Activity...

So my teacher asked me what I thought of her journal activity.
Here you go:



Writing in my journal is like the bitter-sweet taste of that first cigarette out of the box. From the moment you light it, you know that the next five to six minutes of your life will definitely be something to dwell on. Much like the journal, the few moments a night I spend alone with it reminds me of the fact that my problems though plentiful can always be lost in a moment, just a moment but a moment nonetheless and knowing that keeps me from going over the edge. But alas from that same cigarette come repercussions.

A moment of sanity comes with a decadent price much like this journal, cigarettes can also turn into such a mundane and arbitrary habit that eats you from the inside whether you chose to “smoke” or not. but isn’t that what sweet sweet irony is?

Going even further, although I am quite pleased to somewhat end this dissertational torture one can’t help wonder if I will be picking up the urge to grab a stick and start “smoking” about what happened to me today. Miss ******** whatever goal of this journal activity you sought out, this is how it has affected me and whether or not this was suppose to happen, all I can do now is put out this cigarette as I end this…

Thank you…